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Twiddle diddle, ducks.
Friday, December 25, 2009

PART 4: Bella then decides that since she no longer can be in physical contact with her most treasured and beloved Edward, hooks up/strings along this other guy named Jacob. She does this in a very cunning way. She makes him give up at least a month of his life to FULLY RESTORE...i say again FULLY RESTORE two dirt bikes. During this time she pretty much sends out all the “I really like you more than a friend signals to him”, cosying up to him, spending many hours alone with him, and then wonders why but doesn’t’ seem to care when Jacob becomes angry and upset later on as she dumps him in a nanosecond. But we’ll get to that soon, So after a month of Jacob not doing anything else but repairing a bike for Bella, within 10 seconds of the test run of the bikes, Bella decides she wants to see Edward again and speeds off and consequently crashes the bike not giving a damn about how much time and effort Jacob put into fixing the bikes in the first place nor about how she was just stringing Jacob along so she could reach this moment of danger. So after using Jacob to fill the “hole in her heart” (she even admits to using him in one her email voice overs) the moment Edwards name is mentioned , Jacob is dropped faster then the realisation that you’re holding your grandmothers dentures. I’m sure there are a few other points i could list like her not giving any explanations to her friends of why she doesn’t want to hang around them suddenly, i’m guessing it’s to depict how ‘empty’ she feels without Edward around, and then once she decides she wants to hang around her friends again there is no apology for her behaviour. Conclusion, Bella is someone not needed in anybody’s circle of friends. How can you watch the movie and not think to yourself ‘Bella is a horrible human being, how am I supposed to feel any empathy for her?’.

It was as if Meyers decided "Ok we need a scene that shows the danger of a human in a vampire family, then we need to constantly remind the audience how much bella and Edward are in love with each other so the emotional stakes are higher when he leaves, OH OH then we need a scene where there’s rain and it’s really sad, then we need Edward to end his life and Bella save him in the nick of time. I don’t care how illogical the character intentions are or how the scenes flow and link into each other but lets make it happen people!" Ta Da Twilight: New Moon.

I’m writing this a week after watching the movie and i’m quite surprised at how much I’ve been able to recall, maybe on some levels I really wanted to see what the excitement was all about (hey, I’ll give merit where merit is due)but instead what really was seared into my mind wasn’t an epic love story of unrequited love but rather a blatantly atrocious scripting of a movie, so i’m sure i missed other points that should propel you further into just thinking twilight a movie to not base your dreams/fantasies on.

Maybe the thing that draws you is the theme of being pursued no matter what, or going to extremes for ‘love’, or the shirtless men eye candy. And i know that it might be easier to cover these shallow reasons of why you like twilight with ‘it’s GOOD’ (which by the way is the majority response when i ask why people like twilight so much, and all I get is a blank stare when I ask them which part is good?) but really if there is some redeeming factor in the movie that i have overlooked, do let me know. Till then stop with the over hyping and excitement that comes at the mention of New,Jacob, Cullen, moon, Twilight, light sabers ok maybe you can get excited about that last mention but for the rest It just makes you look bad. It’s like if someone mentions the word cabbage and then people start oooing and aahing and you have another group saying no i think Broccoli’s are better. To everyone else who sees the cabbage and broccoli’s for what they are.... just vegetables.... we think to ourselves, is all that ooing and ahhing really necessary?

I know it’s just a movie, so take some advice from yourself. It’s just a movie and not a very good one at that. Character exposition and intentions are totally disregarded to manipulate and serve you a movie that is intended to make you emotionally attached and create an irrational sympathy with Bella who is if you really look past the surface, the only real monster in the saga.

Save your emotions for something more worthwhile….moving on.


Be enlightened (:


PART 3: It was the scene where jacob has now converted to some werewolf gang because you know, in a small town, just because you can turn into a werewolf doesn't mean you're in the werewolf group until you know the secret werewolf handshake, ner ner. Suddenly it starts pouring more heavily then ever and bella confronts jacob about something, probably about how long he’d been randomly walking around in the rain in the hopes she’d come and visit him or if he remembered if he took the umbrella from her ute... i can't remember, what i DO remember as my mind processed what my eyes were seeing, was first disgust (think hammichoochoo) proceeded by a burst of laughter at the realisation that Meyers or the director possibly both, just ripped off any given Korean drama, where there is some heart wrenching emotional scene and the main characters who cannot be together are thrashing it out, in the middle of a rain storm,except this time the korean drama is being acted out by non-asian people who are acting as werewolves and one terribly pretentious girl. I excitedly share this revelation loudly to my friends around me in the cinema, hoping the 12-14 year old group of girls behind me would quit jabbering about how cute Jacob looked in the rain.

It’s around here that we encounter a Psycho Crazy Vampire(PCV) who I thought was pretty cool and wished she had gotten more airtime (because she behaved like how a vampire should!) she’s kinda angry because of something that happened in the first movie and wants to kill Bella, this of course was not factored into Edwards great plan of relocating, maybe vampires have terrible memories?. But I guess there’s some continuity from the start of the show where Edward throws Bella out of his protection, except now it’s on a larger scale, Edward obviously not knowing how vampires work especially vengeful vampires doesn’t think about the possibility that retribution will come from what occurred in the first movie, and jets off leaving Bella to fend for herself. Surely if revenge was a possibility you would have to assume that vengeance would be knocking on the doors of everyone who was involved with the incident that started the vengeful motives in the first place? Therefore there are at least TWO much better options to pursue

1) Take the initiative and eliminate the threat first, go hunt PCV, go to the werewolf clan and say hey man, the woman we are fighting over for the next 2 movies is in mortal danger and we are the only ones with the ability to stop her from possibly being killed, what say you get your boys and i’ll get my boys and we’ll take PCV down first then resume our petty ways? (which would have made an infinitely better twilight to watch; werewolves and vampires band together to hunt and kill another vampire....that…would….hav
e …..been .....AWESOME!)

2) But if #1 doesn’t cross your mind then surely staying together, even if it’s staying together overseas away from your other murderous family members - especially if only one of you has the power to defeat said threat - would be the next smartest option.

But no, the only way to drive the plot, ahem, i mean show how much Edward loves bella is for him to leave her...exposed, vulnerable and clinically depressed, what?!!....And if that didn’t make sense enough, then we see Edwards sister get a vision of Bella jumping into a river from a great height. She tells Edward this and he calls the house to not ask about ‘where is Bella?’, or ‘How is Bella doing?’, but instead he asks ‘where’s Bella’s father?, allowing Jacob to ambiguously say something about ‘preparing for a funeral’ (for someone else that PCV killed), and why would Jacob answer Bella’s house phone even though Bella was standing right there too?....shrug….. Edward then jumps to the wrong conclusion and assumes Bella is dead and therefore decides he can’t live anymore and wants to kill himself. 109 years old and he’s learnt nothing about assuming, or checking to REALLY make sure, before committing to an act that cannot be reversed?!, read: leaving the love of his life vulnerable to murder, killing himself because the love of his life’s father is preparing for a funeral. It’s infuriatingly stupid.

This is not an action movie where you can forgo certain things that are bit crazy or don’t make sense, such as Die hard 4.0 where John Mclain takes out a helicopter with a car (even he had a motive…he was out of bullets!) I mean that was crazy but it was so awesome because it’s an action movie. This is a romance movie involving humans therefore one should and can expect proper logical motives to propel the story forward. But they’re vampires and werewolves you say? Which folklore depicts werewolves and vampires as gentle, kind sissyboys or even retarded? NONE, therefore this is still basically a romance story. No I don’t hate non-action movies, I really enjoyed Love Actually and Music & Lyrics those were great movies and really fun and enjoyable to watch, but New Moon had just been a string of scenes that Meyers thought were cool and strung them together in a haphazard way that wouldn’t hold up to a basic working knowledge of motive and intentions.

At this stage of the movie I decide it’s a complete write off. It ends in a manner that is forgettable and me concluding ‘Why are so many people digging this movie and not more people thinking this movie is atrocious and stupidly manipulative?!?’

Ladies, if you like twilight because you adore Edward Cullen and wished that he loved you, don’t, your days with an Edwardic like man would just be endless hours of frustration, and yelling lines like ‘Why did you do that for?!?!?!” as you climbed the tree in your backyard to get the laundry down because Edward thinks it’s better to hang the clothes up high just incase a flash flood occurs, raise the bar a little, look for a guy with at least an IQ of 100, where he has the capability for simple rational thought.

Unless you want to be like Bella, in which case i say double don’t with a gajillion cherry’s on top, and if you still do after reading this, we can’t be friends anymore, please remove me from facebook and my phone number from your contact list.

She is a pretentious, self absorbed, horrible person and terrible friend. Just because she doesn’t swear, is constantly emo, and is portrayed in a victimised way that would garner your sympathy, think about a few of these observations first,

When Edward leaves she goes into a catatonic state, which obviously saddens her father for MONTHS, but she doesn’t care, the father from what i saw was nothing but patient, kind and supportive of her. After which he lovingly tells her something needs to be done - snap out of it. So Bella lies and says she’s going out with her friend. She then proceeds to call one of her friends up at the last minute and they head out. The next scene we see is them walking out of a movie and her friend is being cheery and Bella is just being mopy and not even ATTEMPTING TO acknowledge or engage her friend that came out as a favour for HER.

They then get wolf whistled at by unsavoury characters that offer them rides on their bikes. Bella being the bright girl she is, decides, not to heed the advice of her friend and jumps onto the bike with some unknown guy with perverted intentions leaving her friend behind to worry about her, for what? Because she concludes that getting herself in dangerous situations will allow a misty Edward to appear and therefore since she wants to see more of Edward, she’ll put herself in dangerous situations. That’s right folks, there must be a scene on the editing floor that didn’t make it into the final cut where Bella undergoes serious head trauma to the point where for her mind to conjure up an image of her loved one she needs an external stimulus. Now excuse me while i do some jumping jacks to remember what my wife looks like. Ok good, i remember now. Curiously for some reason though the perverted man brings Bella safely back to her friend. Must be the nicest sexually deviant guy going around.


PART 2: The first inkling of ‘ok this show doesn’t make sense’ was during a scene where Bella cuts herself and then her boyfriends brother decides he needs to kill her, so he rushes at Bella in a pretty nifty bullet time scene. Ok peoples pop quiz, if your beloved is being rushed by a madman what is your next logical step?

Is it
a) Put yourself between crazy madman and your beloved and get ready to do a takedown and chokehold

b) Counter Rush the crazy madman and subdue him, doing a 3 hit combo to the neck, groin and back of the head. Proceed to tie him up hogstyle afterwards.

c) Push your loved one across the room with your superhuman strength and make her land ass first into a glass table.

If you chose A or B congratulations you are normal. If you think option C is a valid option then let me break it down for you what Edward just did. Crazy man is going to kill my girlfriend. I will now push her really hard in the ribs so she flies across the room, and get cut up really badly as she lands and breaks the glass table, this will serve another purpose in which there is now no one between her and the crazy madman, and she will be dazed so even she won’t be able to put up a struggle, ‘this is a great plan’ Edward thinks to himself ‘you are so smart’. What was even more laughable was the fact that it was unnecessary to push her, because Edward after flinging Bella across the room and really should have broken 6 of her ribs then turns and grabs his brother and flings him away onto the piano. This is like if you were taking your dog out for a walk and as you came back into the house, you realise you didn’t swing the door open far enough and the door is swinging close and it’s about to crush the head of your dog, you then proceed to drop kick your pooch 30 metres back into the front yard our of the way of the closing door and then stop the door from closing further with your hands.

Edward then decides because of this incident He can’t be with Bella. Read: My brother doesn’t like/wants to kill you, so I’m breaking up with you. Why would you do that for? You’ve been wandering around for 109 years presumably alone? (I doubt that Edward had no loves before but for the sake of the love story lets assume so) and suddenly this woman comes along, you guys obviously like each other, you’ve expressed it 900 times already, then you decide to up and leave? 109 years and only NOW you realise you can’t be with a human because of the ill discipline of your brother??? You realise that the woman you love can’t be in the same room as your brother and therefore we’ll call off the relationship.? Grow up! Move out! I’m sure Edward’s brother would understand. There’s a hundred better options, but hey lets settle on “Our entire family is now going to move away”. I’ve seen more 18 year olds take better responsibility and make better decisions then you Edward.

So as you can tell I’m still pondering where is all the excitement coming from??

So the Cullens move away, and later on we see Edward living away from the family anyway, errrr couldn’t you have done that with Bella in the first place and not have to force your entire family to up and leave? Picture one of your siblings doing this… “Mum, Dad, Brothers, Sisters, Aunties and Uncles and all you In laws, I can’t be with Susan down the road, so can you all migrate to Albania and I’ll head to Sydney. We’ll meet at least once a year for Christmas. Thanks guys really appreciate it“. Seriously.

Anyway within a few months of Edward moving out Bella decides not to shower and watches her dad do all the household chores for months then once she’s had enough of that she looks at her list of guys she could date and we find Bella starting to seduce Jacob, this was quite upsetting for me because here all along I was led to believe that Bella was totally in love with Edward even to the point that she would give up her human life to be with him forever, and so would wait till circumstances changed….turns out I was wrong…. Guess I read too deeply into the 2348 times Bella and Edward expressed and showed how much they “loved” each other. So Bella starts putting the moves on Jacob, which I was pretty horrified about, I mean sure Edward is not the smartest guy going around but surely after all that He’s done for you the least you could do is wait for at least another 8 months before giving your affections to another?? No can do Bella? Not such a nice person worthy of strong emotional ties, except contempt and disgust? Okie dokie then.

But back to my journey…time: approximately 1:30am…

…Within an hour of the movie I realise i'm watching romeo and juliet except with werewolves and vampires instead of montague and capulet, every 3 minutes there is at least someone in the scene declaring how they will always love the other or how they will never leave and want to be around forever, i think i even saw the janitor in the canteen scene profess to the lunch lady his undying love for her, anyway i look at my iPhone and cringe thinking i'm only half way through this and whether or not playing doodle jump and yelling randomly as my guy fell to oblivion would annoy others around me, i decide it would, so i take a few quick successive inhale, exhales not much unlike a weight lifter - who is just about to lift the heaviest set of weights that he’s attempted and thinks to himself this is going to hurt - i put my iphone back onto my lap and stare back at the screen thinking 'Ok Meyers give me your best shot!'

Turns out Meyers has a few tricky moves up her sleeves to make me react strongly, not in a good way mind you, not like in a Happy Gilmore touch down 'that is so awesome' I love this showwwwwwwwwwww kinda way, but more like a 'I'm sorry dood, but your pet hamster, hammichoochoo some how managed to get out of its cage and run into the automated paper shredder' kinda way....yeah that feeling...yeah thaaaat feeling.


Bye Singapore I'ma going to Japan till the 2nd of January, 2010 so see you next year :D

Here is a 4000plus-word essay on what my cell leader (and many sane people 'round the world I'm sure) think of Twilight for your perusal. If you can't read it, either:
1) you're such a Twihard your heart breaks to read this and thus you are really rather twitty,
2) you just can't be bothered.
In the case of number 2 I do suggest you take time off and slowly read this (: it does rather make sense. So, here goes nothing! (my longest post ever)

PART 1: Walk up to any group of young girls and say one word ‘TWILIGHT!’ then quickly cover your ears to protect your ear drums from tearing. I never cared about the hype of twilight nor it’s record box office takings, power to you if you enjoy the show, It’s not that I hated the show before watching it because people who conclude how they should feel about a subject/object based on the category it’s placed in (yes that’s the crux of racism too) are just imbeciles. So I didn’t hate twilight because it’s placed in the genre of Romance. I just have only x amount of hours in my day and there are a host of other things I’d rather do then watch twilight (I mean even at this point in time I haven’t watched Inglorious Bastards but I really want to catch it) I did notice however the high pitched near hyperventilating responses especially of young girls and even some of my older lady friends in regards to this saga, and now after watching ‘New Moon’. I have no idea why they do respond that way, and I write this nearly four thousand word dissertation so that you can make a better decision about how you want to react everytime you hear the word twilight. I am hoping that you will see it for what it really is, a movie that does not warrant your excited peals and squeals.

First of all, I think if you are really honest with yourself you are only watching twilight because you like to look and stare at the chiselled pecs of the boys in 3 quarter pants (jacob black does look pretty good i’ll give you that (with his hair short)) or the chiselled jaw of the constantly having a stomach ache face Robert Pattinson. There are NO, i repeat NO other redeeming factors for this movie...except for the 10 second scene of the canary yellow porsche cruising towards the town of a thousand red riding hoods, but either then that this movie and it's entire premise is horrible and i don't understand why tweenage girls are going crazy over it.

Sure, i didn't watch the first installment and i was willing to forgo my ticket for New Moon. (long story short, i didn't want my wife to taxi it back home by herself at 3am in the morning (it was a midnight show) so in love i said yeah book a ticket for me, but after finding out she could just take the car i decided sleeping at home and watching the back of my eyelids would be far more satisfying) I told my wife to give [our friend who booked the tickets] my share of the money, and that i'll see [my wife] the next morning and to enjoy....

...So as per any healthy marriage the wife got her way and we're heading towards the cinema and i think to myself 'ok be fair, go in and watch the movie objectively without any predjudice, see if you can spot what all the fawning love struck looks that overcome nearly every single woman stems from'....conclusion, i have no idea, I have called upon all the analysis skills I have acquired doing science and I have come up short, I find many reasons to be appalled at this movie but none that would give rise to ‘this movie is soooo goooooodd’, it is an enigma, the effect of young ladies raising their voices in excitement to space-time splitting proportions at the mention of the word ‘Twilight’ surely cannot stem from the train wreck I viewed ... infact, later I will propose a few reasons why, if anything you should be raising your eyebrows at people who think twilight was even remotely good or entertaining.

pictionary man.
Thursday, December 24, 2009

Went for dinner w/ cell today :D
Actually there was a Christmas eve service. From 10.30pm to 12 midnight. Let's just say; if I went I would first get scolded for staying out so late and then get scolded again by my mother who scolds for the sake of scolding. Then get scolded again for not practising the piano.

Aaaanyway, we ate dindins at Broadway then went back to church for uh cell(+Max) 'bonding games'! (Games = Pictionary Man)
It was quite epic and Zac came afterwards with his supersuper cute sister.

OKAY, gonna have to prac piano now -.- going overseas tmr midnight don't miss me too much :D

doctor facilier.
Monday, December 21, 2009

OMG LIEK HAI -flipshair-

Yeah I went out with Rachel and ChingYing today. S'only one term to describe it!- EPICPHAIL :D Watched Princess and the Frog, it's awesome like $#@*^!. (No that's not a vulgarity, it's whatever term you can think up la zzz.)
Ate lunch at Long John Silver's, Rachel was being all 'EH ALL YOUR FAULT LA SARAH FAT HAMSTER' for no good reason at all but it's okay we all know Rachel is fail-er than me.
ThisFashion after that, (no omg we did not shop there we went there to enjoy air-con), then back to CATHAY to look at bargain CDs at Gramophone ($1 is bargain k.)
Okay yeah stuff happened we had fun the end.

Cell sleepover postponed! Lol Andy called me,
ANDY: OKAY Sarah we're gonna have to postpone it. Are you sad?
ME: Oh ok! Uh, no...wh-

Things may happen but Alpha Wolf Squadron remains the bestest cell ever, ♥. (Ha. Ha. Alpha Wolf Squadron.)

Friday, December 18, 2009

Well hello I moved back to Blogger. Bye OnSugar you were a good friend.